JD Vance and I have a lot in common. We’re both Leos born only a year apart. Each of us came from humble working-class families and went to law school. We share a concern that Donald Trump might be “America’s Hitler.”
Of course, there are some important distinctions between us as well. Vance’s book vastly outsold my book. I believe in basic human decency and that all people who extend it to others deserve kindness themselves, whereas Vance loves authoritarianism and oppression of marginalized groups as a means of gathering power for himself. Also, I’ve never been accused of having sex with a piece of furniture.
Another notable difference is that I’ve finished a bunch of marathons while Vance, at least according to available public records, has never run a marathon.
Now, if you’re one of the literally dozens of people out there who likes JD Vance, I could see you saying, “Hey, the guy is vice president of the United States of America, he doesn’t have time to train for and run a 26.2 mile race.” The vice presidency, however, has been famously thought of as kind of a do-nothing office since its inception (unless and until something bad happens to the president, that is).
Moreover, if you take a look at what Vance, specifically, has been spending his time on lately, it seems he and the world would be better off if he instead focused more of his energy on training for a marathon. I don’t think taxpayers got anything out of Vance flying to Budapest to campaign for a Hungarian autocrat who was (thankfully) crushed in the election anyway. Nor do I think anyone is getting anything out of Vance defending an indefensible war to sparse crowds at rightwing hate rallies right here at home.
Anyhow, it’s not like busy people can’t find the time to exercise and take on a daunting physical challenge. I trained for my first marathon during the latter part of my 3L year of law school while I studied for the bar exam. I ran plenty of others at a time in my life when I was putting in 60-hour workweeks as a litigator. If you believe in yourself and have enough determination, you can come up with enough time to make it happen.
There is video evidence that shows JD Vance has, shall we say, some kinks to work out with his running form. Hey, I sympathize. I was never a natural distance runner. I am barrel chested, long of arm, and short of leg; 23andMe tells me that a higher-than-average number of my ancestors had a strong sexual interest in Neanderthals. That’s all part of the challenge. I will never be a fast marathon runner, but starting from a disadvantaged position makes simply being able to finish all the more rewarding.
Hey, if he got off the couch now and spent a little less time on social media, Vance could be ready for a full marathon by the fall. It’d be healthier for him, and far healthier for our democracy.
Alas, as has been the case with so many others, I doubt Vance will rise to this challenge. Marathons are unforgiving. When you’re only 10 miles in, and every tissue in your body is screaming at you to stop, smug comments and policy reversals won’t help you. The road holds you accountable.
Incidentally, my toughest race ever I’m not even including in my headline total up there, because it was slightly longer (27 miles) than a traditional marathon. Portions of those 27 miles were up and down several small mountains. I had to reach onto a rock ledge and hoist myself up with my arms at a few points. Mud oozed beneath my feet as I half-slid downhill. Afterward, my urine came out a deep Minnesota Vikings purple (presumably a result of severe dehydration and the color of the energy gel I gulped down at one of the later aid stations). I finished dead last, but damnit, I finished. JD Vance doesn’t have it in him.
Prove me wrong, Mr. Vice President. If JD Vance finishes a marathon during his remaining term in office, I promise I will be among the first to offer my congratulations.
Jonathan Wolf is a civil litigator and author of Your Debt-Free JD (affiliate link). He has taught legal writing, written for a wide variety of publications, and made it both his business and his pleasure to be financially and scientifically literate. Any views he expresses are probably pure gold, but are nonetheless solely his own and should not be attributed to any organization with which he is affiliated. He wouldn’t want to share the credit anyway. He can be reached at jon_wolf@hotmail.com.
The post At 40, I Just Finished My 10th Marathon, So I Challenge JD Vance, 41, To Get Off The Couch And Run His First appeared first on Above the Law.