Donald Trump spent millions and millions in taxpayer dollars on a no-bid contract to paint the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool blue. Based upon his contemporaneous public statements, Trump believed this would make the Reflecting Pool a more aesthetically pleasing beautiful — nay, patriotic — shade of blue. Instead, the pool is an iridescent shade of green, filled with floating hunks of peeling paint and dead ducks.
Some, like those of us who have had to care for swimming pools, might recognize that algae naturally grows in stagnant water. Fail to properly balance the water chemistry and it’s going to show up. We also understand that this makes the water green no matter how blue the liner might be.
For this reason, any renovation that seals the pool and then paints over the floor will end up requiring constant maintenance. And not just dumping hydrogen peroxide, because killing the algae is only the opening step before vacuuming the debris off the bottom. Because dead algae decays to produce… the building blocks for more algae. With apologies to Kermit the Frog, it is very easy to be green when it comes to standing water.
Rather than confess that their renovations transformed the Reflecting Pool into a swamp, the Trump administration has gone another route.
Yes, paint famously falls off if slashed in the middle with a knife!
Now, the administration has military guards posted around the Reflecting Pool to harass people for getting too close. Jeanine Pirro, his hapless DC U.S. Attorney pledges to throw the full weight of her office — which was unable to successfully prosecute someone for throwing a sandwich — is on the case. As James Downie put it:
Trump’s desperate attempts to blame his failed renovation on “vandals” deserve nothing but mockery and scorn. But the arrests show how deeply he and his flunkies have corrupted the Justice Department, siccing prosecutors on citizens to support the president’s pettiest deceptions. If Democrats retake one or both houses of Congress this fall, they should conduct wide-ranging oversight to shine as much light on these abuses as possible. The next Democratic president should direct the Justice Department to rebuild and strengthen its internal checks against misconduct. And a Democratic president should work with Congress, the courts and bar associations to hold to account those who have abused the DOJ’s tremendous power.
One would think that a guy who famously owns a pool — it’s one of the places where he kept losing key documents rather than comply with investigators and a known location where he illegally stashed classified documents, after all — surely knows that algae grows in standing water. But it’s also important to remember that the gilded billionaire honestly believes his supporters are poor and stupid. Trump is the kind of guy who believes pools are the province of luxury residences, and not something that millions of lower middle class homeowners across Florida and Texas have in their backyards. He thinks he can pull the wool over their eyes because he doesn’t think they could possibly know how a pool works.
And to keep his lie going, he’s enlisting the Justice Department to drop everything and launch another doomed prosecution of some poor saps who happened to be standing by as nature took its own, entirely inevitable course.
That said, if anyone asks why my personal swimming pool has gotten increasingly green as I forgot to shock it over the weekend, I call upon the FBI to begin searching for the pinko commies who did this too me. Get both of Kash Patel’s eyes on this case!
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.
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