In my next life, I want to work on Wall Street.
Not because I like finance, but because Wall Street traders originally came up with the acronym “TACO,” for “Trump Always Chickens Out.” And then, last week, another trader ginned up “NACHO,” for “Not A Chance Hormuz Opens.”
I want to work with those guys: They’re a hoot, and you make a lot of money, too!
Alas, it’s just me, my imagination, and artificial intelligence here at my desktop. Together, the three of us have come up with some additions to the TACO and NACHO explanations for Trump.
Consider SALSA: “Speaks Aggressively, Later Softens Approach.”
BURRITO is a tough one; too many letters. I was thinking of using BURRITO as a rejoinder to the disillusioned MAGA faithful: “But U Really, Really Insisted Trump’s Outstanding.”
On reflection, that’s a cheat on the “U.” I asked Perplexity to expand my imagination. It suggested “Backtracks Under Risk, Retreats Instead, Talks Tough Only.” Sorry, Perplexity: Not funny, and what’s with misspelling “burrito” as “burritto”? There are some jobs you won’t be taking over quickly.
For use at press conferences, how about QUESO: “QUickly Evades, Says ‘Options’”? Or don’t you like the cheat on QUickly?
Alright, see if JALAPENO is spicy enough for your taste: “Just Acts Loud And Provocative; Ends Notably Overcautious.”
Or, if we’re going for the Mexican foods with long names, consider EMPANADA: “Escalates Messaging, Pulls Away, No Actual Direct Action.”
Or FAJITA: “Fiery At Jump; Immediately Turns Accommodating.”
HUEVOS? “Hypes Up Every Verbal Outburst; Softens.”
TORTA? “Threatens Often; Retreats, Then Adjusts.”
For dessert, how about CHURROS? “Claims He’s Unyielding, Retreats Rapidly; Often Softens.”
Or do you think I should be getting out more?
In any event, writing this column has made me hungry.
I think I’ll grab some MEXICAN FOOD, because it fits me so perfectly: “Mostly Exaggerated, eXtra-Informal Claims And Nonsense — Fundamentally Out Of Date.”
I’ll see you over at
TACO BELL: Talks Aggressive Claims Often, Backtracks, Ends Largely Limp
or maybe
CHIPOTLE: Claims Hardline Intentions, Pulls Off Threats, Leaves Everything.
Okay; I’m finished now.
ADIOS: Alright, Done; I’m Obviously Silly.
They’d never have me on WALL STREET anyway.
Witless And Logically Lax — Shallow, Trite, Redundant, Error‑Ridden, Egregiously Tedious.
Mark Herrmann spent 17 years as a partner at a leading international law firm and later oversaw litigation, compliance and employment matters at a large international company. He is the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Drug and Device Product Liability Litigation Strategy (affiliate links). You can reach him by email at inhouse@abovethelaw.com.
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