Think about Michael Cohen, Donald Trump’s former lawyer.
As far as I can tell, Cohen was an incompetent, a thug, and a criminal who mindlessly supported Trump.
Cohen then had a change of heart. He became an incompetent, a thug, and a criminal who vindictively opposed Trump. For some reason, the left embraced Cohen.
Cohen then had another change of heart. He’s now an incompetent, a thug, and a criminal who again licks Donald Trump’s boots.
Why does the press cover a single word of what Cohen thinks, says, or does? There was no reason for this clown to be be prominent 10 years ago, and there’s surely no reason for him to be prominent today.
Enough already.
Let’s not hear another word about Michael Cohen until his obituary.
(Don’t get me wrong: I’m not rooting for Cohen’s immediate death. I’m rooting only for news about Cohen to vanish immediately into the trash bin of history. I’d be happy to ignore Cohen’s obituary when it appears 20, or 30, or 100 years from now.)
Same with Marjorie Taylor Greene.
She was a fool who owned a CrossFit business. She moved on from her CrossFit gig and began writing crazy stuff for conspiracy news websites. She was elected to Congress in 2020 because Americans are idiots.
I understand that we were obligated to hear about Greene when she was a member of Congress saying insane things and supporting Trump.
But Greene, like Cohen, had a change of heart. She split from Trump over the Epstein files. Trump started attacking her, and she resigned from Congress.
Great! There was just barely a reason to hear from her before, and there’s surely no reason to hear from her now.
But she continues to attack Trump, the left continues to care, and we’re cursed with news stories about her.
Why? She was a nobody. She should have remained a nobody. And she’s plainly, once again, a nobody.
I don’t want to hear another word about Marjorie Taylor Greene until her obituary.
Who else?
George Santos.
He fabricated his biography, was elected to Congress (because Americans are idiots, or do I repeat myself?), was expelled from Congress, and was convicted of wire fraud and aggravated identity theft.
I understand why I was forced to hear about Santos while he was in Congress. But he’s gone now. Can’t he be gone from my life?
Please?
Who else am I tired of? Anthony Scaramucci.
The Mooch was the White House Communications Director for 10 days in 2017, setting a historical record for shortest tenure in that job.
2017, for heaven’s sake!
Couldn’t he have disappeared in 2018, or 2019, or any time else in the past decade?
Begone!
I don’t want to read a peep about him again!
Last example: Rudy Giuliani.
U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, America’s Mayor, Time’s Person of the Year, presidential candidate.
Trump sycophant.
Disbarred lawyer. Sufferer of massive defamation judgments.
The guy is so inept that he filed for bankruptcy, and the judge later threw out the bankruptcy case because Giuliani was a “recalcitrant debtor.”
He couldn’t manage to go bankrupt? Shoot; even I could do that. Not being able to go bankrupt is like not being able to quit your job.
So this moron is gone, right?
Wrong.
Giuliani says that New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani should not have attended the 9/11 25th anniversary memorial celebrations, and Giuliani’s back in the news.
Why?
Stop! Stop! I can’t take it any more.
Please note that this is a bipartisan issue for me.
If I never hear another word about Hunter Biden, that’s too soon for me.
Hunter traded on being the president’s son. Joe’s no longer the president. Let’s stop hearing about Hunter.
And don’t be upset that I didn’t say that Donald Trump should drop out of the national conversation.
Trump, like Cohen, is an incompetent, a thug, and a criminal.
But he’s the president.
He says crazy stuff; we’re obligated to know about it. He’s the president (because Americans are idiots, or do I repeat myself?); you’re a citizen; it’s your duty to suffer this insanity.
But wait until noon on January 20, 2029!
You’ll never have to read about him again, thank God.
Mark Herrmann spent 17 years as a partner at a leading international law firm and later oversaw litigation, compliance and employment matters at a large international company. He is the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Drug and Device Product Liability Litigation Strategy (affiliate links). You can reach him by email at inhouse@abovethelaw.com.
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